Friday, July 25, 2008

Here’s the (Movie) Pitch: Ghostbusters III

Twenty years after last seeing our Ghostbusters in action, much has changed. The business has been franchised and our quartet runs the company as hands-off executives. The New York branch is still located in our familiar firehouse HQ, but it’s been renovated to reflect the Ghostbusters success – and GB headquarters is now comprised of steel gray offices in a high-rise downtown.

That’s were we catch up with PETER VENKMAN, haranguing the GB’s board of directors before retiring to his corner office. Pete’s a bit older, a bit wiser, but he still promotes that laissez faire attitude. JANINE MELNITZ is still his admin, and she’s still giving him a hard time. RAY STANTZ spends his days bouncing around from branch to branch, longing to be out in the field. EGON SPENGLER runs the Ghostbusters’ research and development arm, and WINSTON ZEDDEMORE is in charge of recruitment and training.
OSCAR, the baby from Ghostbusters II, as you’ll recall, and DANA BARRETT’s son from another marriage, is now Pete’s adopted son – Pete has married Dana – and much of our story revolves around Oscar, Pete and Pete’s father, RON. Ron, by the way, has been dead for 15 years.

We first meet the spectral Ron in the film’s teaser, when he interrupts OSCAR’s date aboard the U.S.S. Constitution in Boston. Ron’s all business – dead business – and conjures up a crew of dead businessmen ghosts to pilot the U.S.S. Constitution to New York, where he demands to see Pete. He has important news –New York is in trouble, once more, as JACOB MARLEY – Yes, that Jacob Marley – has gathered a supernatural force to take over one of the world’s biggest financial institutions, MarchKodiak – and turn it into a soul bank, granting a person’s wildest dreams in exchange for their soul.

Jacob – a demonic version of the Charles Dickens character – succeeds, by the way, and everyone in New York soon lines up at their local MarchKodiak branch to trade their soul for all manner of worldly possessions. For awhile it doesn’t seem half bad, as the wild imaginings of New Yorkers makes living in Manhattan interesting – more interesting than usual.

It makes work for the Ghostbusters all the more hectic, too, as these Wild Dreams grow more wild – and uncontrollable – by the day. Our newest New York Ghostbusters, led by a female GB who looks a lot like TINA FEY need help – and when you need help, who you gonna call? Ray is happy to strap on the proton pack and get back in the game. And to see how the supped-up Ectomobile V takes to the road.

After a few calls, however, Fey and Stantz aren’t getting along. Fey wants to lead her way, and Stantz has his own thoughts about each situation. Fed up, Fey sidelines him and takes her novice team out into the field, leaving Stantz alone in the old HQ without him. Defeated, Ray turns in his resignation to Egon and retires to his small book store downtown.

Meanwhile, Pete finds himself caught in the middle of a stressful situation, as his dead father demands fast action against Marley – his Financial Raiders aboard the Constitution will take matters into their own hands if Pete won’t act – and Oscar sides with his grandfather – if only because his would-be girlfriend is egging him on. Pete tells him he’s done with that – that’s what he’s got people for. He’s a General and they’re the soldiers. And he mostly wants to be left alone.

Eventually, Ron and Oscar sail off aboard the now flying Constitution, leaving Pete behind in his high rise office building.

Things take a turn for the worse when Marley sends out his COLLECTORS – ghastly humanoids who have come to collect payment. Each man and woman whose soul is collected becomes a zombie – set to work in the labyrinth offices of MarchKodiak. And once that happens, New Yorkers’ Wildest Dreams are freed – and turn vicious and mean. It’s a Godzilla-like free-for-all like nothing we’ve ever seen all across the five boroughs.

The Ghostbusters can’t keep up. There’s no way. And during a rather nasty call, Fey’s entire team is swallowed by a rampaging monster. She staggers along the city streets, not sure what to do or where to go.

When she happens to land at the doorstep of Stantz’s book store. Ray finds her, saves her, and discovers what has happened. Immediately, Ray’s on the phone.

All our old pals are gathered in Pete’s corner office. They watch New York fall apart from the huge window. While Ray, Winston, Egon and Fey make plans, Pete’s figured out what it is he has to do. “This cat’s a business man, right? He just wants to be negotiated with.” And with that, Pete heads into the city streets. In a commanding voice, Pete tells his friends to “get out there and kick some ghost ass.”

Ray’s gathered Ego and Winston together and they’ve pulled the old Ecto 1 out of moth balls. Strapping on all their old gear – a little tighter these days – they pile in the car, Fey along with them. Out they go to do battle.

They encounter the giant beast munching on trees in Central Park, and engage in a fight with it. They’re aided by a flying Constitution, which attacks from above. It seems as though they’re about to lose the fight, when the battle takes a turn, and soon they have the beast on the ground, defeated.

Stantz mentions that its incredible luck that they were able to do that. Almost too incredible. It’s Oscar who figures out what must have happened.

And we cut to Pete, signing a deal with Marley, his soul in exchange for his Wildest Dream. As soon as he signs the deal, Marley sics a Collector on him. But before he can collect, Pete asks him why he isn’t interested in what his Wildest Dream is.

A bit of verbal sparring commences, until Pete explains that his Wildest Dream is the success of his friends and family. Marley finds that pitiful, as it doesn’t gain him anything – not even the simplest form of human pleasure, which so many of his customers were happy to trade.

Pete disagrees. And as he does so, both the Ecto 1 and the Constitution crash into the MarchKodiak office building. Proton packs flying and proton wands firing, the group advances on Marley’s position.

Marley reveals his true demon self, and an even greater battle commences. It takes the combined effort of all three Venkman men to finally vanquish him, and return New York to normal.

Totally spent, the Ghostbusters admit they’re “getting too old for this.” And then Oscar admits that he’s just getting started. Fey asks him if he’d like to join her team.

And with that, the torch is passed.

Why haven’t they made Ghostbusters III?


Here’s why. Apparently no one can agree to do it. Fits and starts is probably the best way to describe all the conversation regarding this on-again, off-again project. Do a quick Google search and you’ll discover a couple pages of quotes from Dan Akroyd announcing pre-production on the alleged to-be-shot-in-CGI Ghostbusters III: Hellbent – with all the principals attached – to suggestions that the film may never get made. Akroyd is one of the co-creators of Ghostbusters and played heart-of-gold Ghostbuster Ray Stantz.

But there’s no reason NOT to make it. I mean, c’mon, the original made more than $230 million in the U.S. and $50 million overseas – in 1984! That’s got to be, like, $4 bazillion dollars today. And its 1989 sequel had the biggest three-day opening weekend in history (it lasted all of a week, before Tim Burton’s Batman clobbered that record).

Of course one might regard the soon-to-be-released Ghostbusters: The Video Game as a kind of sequel in absentia, but folks, you know it can’t hold a candle – or a proton wand – to a box of popcorn, a soda, and watching the dry wit of Bill Murray unspool onscreen.

No, this is a movie that has to be made.

Akroyd’s take, of which we’ve only heard bits and pieces, finds three of our four Ghostbusters – Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore – doing battle with demons from Man‘hell’ton, a kind of demon-plagued, interdimensional, parallel world, accessible to the Ghostbusters via a kind of traversable wormhole. Peter Venkman makes a cameo at the end, and there’s a slew of new, young Ghostbusters poised to take the reins.

Sounds visually wonderful. But where’s the story? (Okay, I haven’t read the script, so it might have a kick-a story – but I’m just not sure about that.) IGN trashed the script, saying it was all jargon and no jokes, and lacked substantial characterization.

At its heart, Ghostbusters is a character-driven comedy with special effects thrown in for good measure. The original works because its more Animal House than Poltergeist – but it combines those elements perfectly.

My Ghostbusters III would slough off the cartoonish colors and comedy of Ghostbusters II and recapture the New York grittiness and acerbic wit of the first. It would steer clear of walking Lady Liberties and emotional slime in favor of spooky ghosts and screwball comedy.

It would be transitional, because if the franchise is to survive, it needs freshened up a bit. Just look at James Bond. We’re on our, what, 80th iteration? And the films still rock.

And for god’s sake, man, it wouldn’t be shot in CGI.

If you’re interested in what I might do, check this out. But I’d be interested in what you’d do, too.

UPDATE: There’s supposed to be “big” news coming out of San Diego’s Comic-Con 2008. Could it be Ghostbusters III?

Obligatory Introductory Post: The Sequel

If you’re looking for the original Obligatory Introductory Post (as suggested by the title above), let me save you the trouble. There isn’t one.
Which begs the question: Should there be?

And with that, therein rests the question that stands as the foundation of this spankin’ brand new entertainment blog: Should there be?

For example, should there be another Ghostbusters movie? Should there be a movie version of Alan Dean Foster’s Spellsinger series. Maybe there are other people out there that’d like to find out what happened to those crazy kids from The Breakfast Club or a feature length Dr. Shrinker film.

And maybe my imagination is the fertile ground from which this veritable garden of bright ideas springs forth, grows into and overtakes the great land of Hollywood where … where …

… Well, you get the idea.

As often as possible, I hope to populate this site with posts that begin with a statement: “Why haven’t they made a movie out of …” or “They oughta make make a movie out of …” or “Maybe there should be a film about …”

Then I’ll follow it up with reasons why they haven’t – or are planning to.

Finally, the best part. I’ll end with my idea – my pitch – on how best to do just that.

And, if it turns out one of these projects (whether my idea or not – and about 99.9 percent of the time, you can rest assured I had NO influence whatsoever) gets greenlit, we’ll follow it with news and speculation – and surely tell them what they’re doing wrong. Because we know everything, right?

So why do this?

Well, for fun, first of all. It’s a great conversation starter and, as movie lovers, something we all do from time to time.

Second, because I know remakes (or “reimaginings”) can be done well. You’ve seen it happen. Battlestar Galactica is a great, recent example. And how’s about the incredible ratings the new Knight Rider received, launching that new series? Or George Clooney’s Ocean’s 11 and its sequels? And the yet to be released JJ Abrams’ Star Trek. Or Get Smart?

It can be done and there are a number of old TV shows, movies, books and comics that are ripe for rediscovery. And I want to rediscover them.

What’s the take home?

If the stars align and the heavens are generous, maybe a producer who’s holding the rights to one of these properties is inspired to move ahead with his or her project.

And if the stars offer free rounds to everyone in the bar and the heavens rain pieces of eight on my tiny little three-bedroom home, maybe someone who owns one of these properties will like my idea oh so very much that they’ll contact me and purchase said pitch.

At the very least, maybe I’ll entertain you, inspire conversation and even gain a little audience to call my own.

So, without further adieu …